Journey of Bibma: Five Things My Newborn Son has Taught Me

Little Julius has turned 2 months (by calendar) today! This also means I have survived as a first-time mom for 2 months too! (Yay! I'm so proud of myself!)

During these 2 months, Julius has taught me so much, much more than what I have learnt in school the past 18 years - no I'm not 18 years old this year - that's assuming I started nursery at the age of 5 all the way till my graduation from university.

So here are the 5 precious life lessons that I have learnt from him:

1. You can never be prepared enough for parenthood

I have brought this up in my other post, and I can never emphasize this enough - no matter how many pre-natal classes you attend, parenting books that you read or friends that you speak to, you can never be prepared enough to handle the little bub. You can only learn on the spot, daily as you grow with your little one.

I had plans not to put him on the automatic cradle (also known as sarong or yaolan), or to give him the pacifier, but we have placed him on the cradle for the many times that he refused to fall asleep on his own in his cot; and also bought him a dummy as he would otherwise keep fussing and sucking on his own hands.

The cradle has made him sleep through the night with only one graveyard feed, and kept our sanity as we could have more time to rest.

Sleeping soundly in the cradle

2. Patience

Julius may seem all cheerio and happy most of the time from my Facebook and Instagram posts. But that's just for about 1 hour maximum each day out of the 24 hours per day.  The rest of the time he's feeding, sleeping and very often very fussy and grumpy. 

I must admit till today I still can't decipher his cries. Whenever he fusses, I'll check if he needs a nappy change or needs company/cuddles. If it's neither of the two and it's nearing his nap/bedtime, I'll take it that he's tired, and hence put him on the automatic cradle, and more often than not he will fall asleep within 15 minutes thankfully. But as he grows older, his nap time is supposed to be reduced, which means his awake and crying times will also be increased. Hence a lot of time is needed to have patience to comfort and soothe him.

Some people prefer to live their lives around the demands of their little ones - feed when they are hungry, put them to bed when they are tired. But I'm one person who believes in routine. Thankfully I was introduced to Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby. Now, on most days I can kind of predict why Julius might be fussing. I can also plan my time for exercise, going out etc. while he have minimum fussing.

Yes, that's Julius wailingaway

Patience isn't only applicable to little one but to the big one, aka the spouse too. More often than not, because you can't handle the little one that your frustration makes you more short-tempered and snappy. And because your spouse is the next person that you face daily besides the little one, you will tend to vent your frustrations at the big one. However,we must always try to remember that the big one shouldn't bear the brunt of your frustrations, and that he is your team member and partner that will manage the little one's fussiness together,

3. Get a Good Support Network

Your spouse, family members and friends, and even the Internet is where you can get support from t maintain your sanity and ensure your little one is well-taken care of.

This is especially important as there are times you feel that you are on the verge of breakdown, you need to put your little one down and walk away. This is when your support will come in to manage the little one for the time being.

I'm thankful for a very supportive husband. He will feed Julius for his night feeds at 11pm daily no matter how tired he is from work. And whenever he can wake up for Julius' graveyard feed at 3am or 4am, he will help with the nappy change first before I nurse him so that I can sleep in a little longer.

On weekends, he will also help with the nappy change, clean up after Julius bath and also calm him when he's fussy so I can have more breaks from doing such routine tasks.

Big one feeding little one for the first time, and many more to come

Similarly, my parents and parents-in-law are all very helpful during these 2 months - they helped with all the marketing during my confinement period so that my confinement nanny can concentrate on taking care of me and Julius. And now that the confinement nanny has left, they took turns to bring me meals so that I have one less thing to worry about.

My family, my pillar of support

And I can never emphasize the importance of joining mothers' support groups- all moms having been through similar experiences are more than willing to share their tips, advice and experiences which will give you a piece of mind of that your little one is doing fine and what you are doing is right.

4. Love Your Little One, Love Yourself More

No, I'm not asking you to ditch you little one aside. But I strongly feel that only when your own needs are taken care of, then you will be happier and more able to care for your little one.

One day, your little one will grow up and form his/her own family (yes, it's a sad truth that we will all have to accept). If your life only revolves around them, you will lose your sense of self when that day comes.

Also, only when you spend some time yourself, away from the little one, then you will miss him/her more and be able to take care of him/her with a bigger heart when you are back.

For me, getting back to my pre-pregnancy fitness level and physical frame was essential. As such, I try to allocate 30-40 minutes daily for some exercise while I still have the time and energy during my maternity leave. I am also trying to bake whenever I can now as baking makes me feel that I am still me.

Taking time away from Julius to attend my company's D&D

5. Take each day as it comes, enjoy the moment

Your little one will only be an infant once. He/she will very soon grow up, crawl, walk and later, not want to hang out with you anymore. Even if you have a second or third kid, it won't be the same as each child is unique and grows up differently. 

So cherish each smile, each cry, each gurgle, each hug and each kiss that you have with your little one as it will be the last time you will be doing so - before they say "mommy it's embarrassing that you are kissing me in front of my friends - can we stop doing it?"